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Top 50 Stupid Football Quotes

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Terry Venables is a top offender with three entries.

Terry Venables is a top offender with three entries.

Stupid and Funny Football Quotes

Footballers are not brain surgeons, and here's the proof. This article contains the wit and wisdom of some of the best players ever to kick a ball. They are in no particular order.

  1. "Both sides have scored a couple of goals, and both sides have conceded a couple of goals." Peter Withe
  2. "I've been consistent in patches this season." Theo Walcott
  3. "In the end, Rosicky initially did well." Andy Townsend
  4. "The thing about goalscorers is that they score goals." Tony Cottee
  5. "The last six games of the Invincibles season were the most pressurised, because we were under pressure." Ray Parlour
  6. "He's got a lot of self-belief in himself." Graham Beecroft
  7. "They were numerically outnumbered." Garry Birtles
  8. "Not to win is guttering." Mark Noble
  9. "And with 4 minutes gone, the score is already 0-0." Ian Dark
  10. "I'm going to make a predictionit could go either way." Rob Atkinson
  11. "Certain people are for me and certain people are pro me." Terry Venables
  12. "Reading won't have the confidence to be confident." Paul Merson
  13. "If we played like this every week, we wouldn't be so inconsistent." Bryan Robson
  14. "The one significant change is, in fact, the second significant change." Jonathan Pearce
  15. "Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer." David Acfield
  16. "Glenn Hoddle hasn't been the Hoddle we know. Neither has Bryan Robson." Ron Greenwood
  17. "I don't think there is anybody bigger or smaller than Maradona." Kevin Keegan
  18. "For those of you watching in black and white, Spurs are in the all-yellow strip." John Motson
  19. "I never comment on referees, and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat." Ron Atkinson
  20. "I would not say he [David Ginola] is the best left winger in the Premiership, but there are none better." Ron Atkinson
  21. "What will you do when you leave football, Jackwill you stay in football?" Stuart Hall
  22. "The new West Stand casts a giant shadow over the entire pitch, even on a sunny day." Chris Jones
  23. "You don't score 64 goals in 86 games at the highest level without being able to score goals." Alan Green
  24. "Matty Jarvis had acres of time there." Stan Collymore
  25. "It's an unprecedented precedent." Clark Carlisle
  26. "...but Arsenal are quick to credit Bergkamp with laying on 75% of their nine goals." Tony Gubba
  27. "If you closed your eyes, you couldn't tell the difference between the two sides." Phil Brown
  28. "He dribbles a lot, and the opposition don't like ityou can see it all over their faces." Ron Atkinson
  29. "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again." Terry Venables
  30. "They're the second-best team in the world, and there's no higher praise than that." Kevin Keegan
  31. "A game is not won until it is lost." David Pleat
  32. "I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet." David Beckham
  33. "I never make predictions, and I never will." Paul Gascoigne
  34. "I couldn't settle in Italy. It was like living in a foreign country." Ian Rush
  35. "There are two ways of getting the ball. One is from your own team-mates, and that's the only way." Terry Venables
  36. "A contract on a piece of paper, saying you want to leave, is like a piece of paper saying you want to leave." John Hollins
  37. "We must have had 99 percent of the match. It was the other three percent that cost us." Ruud Gullit
  38. "I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock."Barry Venison
  39. "My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about 7." David Beckham
  40. "I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league." Mark Viduka
  41. "If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day." Neville Southall
  42. "I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel." Stuart Pearce
  43. "I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona." Mark Draper
  44. "One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best." Alan Shearer
  45. "All that remains is for a few dots and commas to be crossed." Mitchell Thomas
  46. "Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match." - Ian Wright
  47. "Germany are a very difficult team to play... they had 11 internationals out there today." Steve Lomas
  48. "I've had 14 bookings this season, 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable." Paul Gascoigne
  49. "He's put on weight, and I've lost it, and vice versa." Ronnie Whelan
  50. "The first ninety minutes of a football match are the most important." Bobby Robson


A bad Fifa player on August 20, 2020:

"My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about 7." Uh where were they before then??

Ross on November 30, 2018:

Theres only one word for that...magic dart

TOMTRESCO on November 30, 2015:

He tried to doughnut him there (Think he meant to say Nutmeg)

Ron Atkinson

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Russell Pittock from Nakon Sawan Province, Thailand. on September 02, 2014:

Big Ron. It's just not the same without him. I wonder if he says these things on purpose just to get us going!

English Bear on June 13, 2014:

You can't beat Ron Atkinson for sheer crass and he does it all with a big stupid smile on his face. Bring him back on TV, we miss him!

Dats on March 22, 2014:

"And with 4 minutes gone, the score is already 0-0." - IAN DARK

PositronWildhawk (author) from London on October 23, 2013:

Thanks guys! Already follow @usasoccer guy - he always makes me laugh!

Pete from Ontario, Canada on October 23, 2013:

This is awesome! With your sense of humour, you should check out @usasoccerguy on Twitter. He is freakin' hilarious! Voted up.

Muzzammil Maniar from Karachi, Pakistan on October 23, 2013:

Hahahaha, some really funny quotes there. Voted up!

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