Top 50 Stupid Football Quotes

Updated on October 23, 2013

Footballers are not brain surgeons and here's the proof. The wit and wisdom of some of the best players ever to kick a ball. To be honest, I had trouble keeping it down to 50 stupid quotes, but enjoy.

They are in no particular order.

Top Offender : Ron Atkinson (4)

#2 Offender: Terry Venables (3)

"Both sides have scored a couple of goals, and both sides have conceded a couple of goals." - PETER WITHE

"I've been consistent in patches this season" - THEO WALCOTT

"In the end, Rosicky initially did well" - ANDY TOWNSEND

"The thing about goalscorers is that they score goals" - TONY COTTEE

"The last six games of the Invincibles season were the most pressurised, because we were under pressure" - RAY PARLOUR

"He's got a lot of self-belief in himself" - GRAHAM BEECROFT

"They were numerically outnumbered" - GARRY BIRTLES

"Not to win is guttering" - MARK NOBLE

"And with 4 minutes gone, the score is already 0-0." - IAN DARK

"I'm going to make a prediction - it could go either way." - RON ATKINSON

"Certain people are for me and certain people are pro me." - TERRY VENABLES

"Reading won't have the confidence to be confident" - PAUL MERSON

"If we played like this every week, we wouldn't be so inconsistent." - BRYAN ROBSON

"The one significant change is in fact the second significant change" - JONATHAN PEARCE

"Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer." - DAVID ACFIELD

"Glenn Hoddle hasn't been the Hoddle we know. Neither has Bryan Robson." - RON GREENWOOD

"I don't think there is anybody bigger or smaller than Maradona." - KEVIN KEEGAN

"For those of you watching in black and white, Spurs are in the all-yellow strip." - JOHN MOTSON

"I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat." - RON ATKINSON

"I would not say he [David Ginola] is the best left winger in the Premiership, but there are none better." - RON ATKINSON

"What will you do when you leave football, Jack -- will you stay in football?" - STUART HALL

"The new West Stand casts a giant shadow over the entire pitch, even on a sunny day." - CHRIS JONES

"You don't score 64 goals in 86 games at the highest level without being able to score goals." - ALAN GREEN

"Matty Jarvis had acres of time there" - STAN COLLYMORE

"It's an unprecedented precedent" - CLARK CARLISLE

"...but Arsenal are quick to credit Bergkamp with laying on 75% of their nine goals." - TONY GUBBA

"If you closed your eyes, you couldn't tell the difference between the two sides" - PHIL BROWN

"He dribbles a lot and the opposition don't like it - you can see it all over their faces." - RON ATKINSON

"If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again." - TERRY VENABLES

"They're the second best team in the world, and there's no higher praise than that." - KEVIN KEEGAN

"A game is not won until it is lost." - DAVID PLEAT

"I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet." - DAVID BECKHAM

"I never make predictions, and I never will." - PAUL GASCOIGNE

"I couldn't settle in Italy. It was like living in a foreign country." - IAN RUSH

"There are two ways of getting the ball. One is from your own team-mates, and that's the only way." - TERRY VENABLES

"A contract on a piece of paper, saying you want to leave, is like a piece of paper saying you want to leave." - JOHN HOLLINS

"We must have had 99 per cent of the match. It was the other three per cent that cost us." - RUUD GULLIT

"I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock." -BARRY VENISON

"My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about 7." - DAVID BECKHAM

"I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league." - MARK VIDUKA

"If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day." - NEVILLE SOUTHALL

"I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel." - STUART PEARCE

"I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona." - MARK DRAPER

"One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best." - ALAN SHEARER

"All that remains is for a few dots and commas to be crossed." - MITCHELL THOMAS

"Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match." - IAN WRIGHT

"Germany are a very difficult team to play...they had 11 internationals out there today." - STEVE LOMAS

"I've had 14 bookings this season - 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable." - PAUL GASCOIGNE

"He's put on weight and I've lost it, and vice versa." - RONNIE WHELAN

"The first ninety minutes of a football match are the most important." - BOBBY ROBSON



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    • profile image

      TOMTRESCO 2 years ago

      He tried to doughnut him there (Think he meant to say Nutmeg)

      Ron Atkinson

    • tom yam profile image

      Russell Pittock 3 years ago from Nakon Sawan Province, Thailand.

      Big Ron. It's just not the same without him. I wonder if he says these things on purpose just to get us going!

    • profile image

      English Bear 3 years ago

      You can't beat Ron Atkinson for sheer crass and he does it all with a big stupid smile on his face. Bring him back on TV, we miss him!

    • profile image

      Dats 3 years ago

      "And with 4 minutes gone, the score is already 0-0." - IAN DARK

    • PositronWildhawk profile image

      PositronWildhawk 4 years ago from London

      Thanks guys! Already follow @usasoccer guy - he always makes me laugh!

    • petenali profile image

      Pete 4 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      This is awesome! With your sense of humour, you should check out @usasoccerguy on Twitter. He is freakin' hilarious! Voted up.

    • muzzster profile image

      Muzzammil Maniar 4 years ago from Karachi, Pakistan

      Hahahaha, some really funny quotes there. Voted up!