Top 50 Stupid Football Quotes
Footballers are not brain surgeons, and here's the proof. This article contains the wit and wisdom of some of the best players ever to kick a ball. They are in no particular order.
- "Both sides have scored a couple of goals, and both sides have conceded a couple of goals." —Peter Withe
- "I've been consistent in patches this season." —Theo Walcott
- "In the end, Rosicky initially did well." —Andy Townsend
- "The thing about goalscorers is that they score goals." —Tony Cottee
- "The last six games of the Invincibles season were the most pressurised, because we were under pressure." —Ray Parlour
- "He's got a lot of self-belief in himself." —Graham Beecroft
- "They were numerically outnumbered." —Garry Birtles
- "Not to win is guttering." —Mark Noble
- "And with 4 minutes gone, the score is already 0-0." —Ian Dark
- "I'm going to make a prediction—it could go either way." —Rob Atkinson
- "Certain people are for me and certain people are pro me." —Terry Venables
- "Reading won't have the confidence to be confident." —Paul Merson
- "If we played like this every week, we wouldn't be so inconsistent." —Bryan Robson
- "The one significant change is, in fact, the second significant change." —Jonathan Pearce
- "Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer." —David Acfield
- "Glenn Hoddle hasn't been the Hoddle we know. Neither has Bryan Robson." —Ron Greenwood
- "I don't think there is anybody bigger or smaller than Maradona." —Kevin Keegan
- "For those of you watching in black and white, Spurs are in the all-yellow strip." —John Motson
- "I never comment on referees, and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat." —Ron Atkinson
- "I would not say he [David Ginola] is the best left winger in the Premiership, but there are none better." —Ron Atkinson
- "What will you do when you leave football, Jack—will you stay in football?" —Stuart Hall
- "The new West Stand casts a giant shadow over the entire pitch, even on a sunny day." —Chris Jones
- "You don't score 64 goals in 86 games at the highest level without being able to score goals." —Alan Green
- "Matty Jarvis had acres of time there." —Stan Collymore
- "It's an unprecedented precedent." —Clark Carlisle
- "...but Arsenal are quick to credit Bergkamp with laying on 75% of their nine goals." —Tony Gubba
- "If you closed your eyes, you couldn't tell the difference between the two sides." —Phil Brown
- "He dribbles a lot, and the opposition don't like it—you can see it all over their faces." —Ron Atkinson
- "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again." —Terry Venables
- "They're the second-best team in the world, and there's no higher praise than that." —Kevin Keegan
- "A game is not won until it is lost." —David Pleat
- "I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet." —David Beckham
- "I never make predictions, and I never will." —Paul Gascoigne
- "I couldn't settle in Italy. It was like living in a foreign country." —Ian Rush
- "There are two ways of getting the ball. One is from your own team-mates, and that's the only way." —Terry Venables
- "A contract on a piece of paper, saying you want to leave, is like a piece of paper saying you want to leave." —John Hollins
- "We must have had 99 percent of the match. It was the other three percent that cost us." —Ruud Gullit
- "I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock."—Barry Venison
- "My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about 7." —David Beckham
- "I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league." —Mark Viduka
- "If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day." —Neville Southall
- "I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel." —Stuart Pearce
- "I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona." —Mark Draper
- "One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best." —Alan Shearer
- "All that remains is for a few dots and commas to be crossed." —Mitchell Thomas
- "Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match." - Ian Wright
- "Germany are a very difficult team to play... they had 11 internationals out there today." —Steve Lomas
- "I've had 14 bookings this season, 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable." —Paul Gascoigne
- "He's put on weight, and I've lost it, and vice versa." —Ronnie Whelan
- "The first ninety minutes of a football match are the most important." —Bobby Robson
Comments
A bad Fifa player on August 20, 2020:
"My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about 7." Uh where were they before then??
Ross on November 30, 2018:
Theres only one word for that...magic dart
TOMTRESCO on November 30, 2015:
He tried to doughnut him there (Think he meant to say Nutmeg)
Ron Atkinson
Russell Pittock from Nakon Sawan Province, Thailand. on September 02, 2014:
Big Ron. It's just not the same without him. I wonder if he says these things on purpose just to get us going!
English Bear on June 13, 2014:
You can't beat Ron Atkinson for sheer crass and he does it all with a big stupid smile on his face. Bring him back on TV, we miss him!
Dats on March 22, 2014:
"And with 4 minutes gone, the score is already 0-0." - IAN DARK
PositronWildhawk (author) from London on October 23, 2013:
Thanks guys! Already follow @usasoccer guy - he always makes me laugh!
Pete from Ontario, Canada on October 23, 2013:
This is awesome! With your sense of humour, you should check out @usasoccerguy on Twitter. He is freakin' hilarious! Voted up.
Muzzammil Maniar from Karachi, Pakistan on October 23, 2013:
Hahahaha, some really funny quotes there. Voted up!